Dreams

Beads of sweat on my brow, panting desperately, legs shaking nervously and still pushing the accelerator to its limits while trying to revoke the inactive brakes frantically, I manoeuvre my bus through narrow overcrowded lanes at an unimaginably high speed. Every muscle in my body is constricted and taut because of the excruciating strain. At times I even wave my hands hysterically to convey my despair to the oncoming crowd, desperately pleading them to let my bus find its way through. I am clueless, why am I in such a dire state? Suddenly, I wake up from my dream utterly exhausted but with a sense of deep relief, only to remember that before going to bed I had watched the famous movie ‘Speed.’

            Just a few days ago, in my leisure time, I was admiring the pictures of an actress splashed all over the magazine. That night I got to spend a wonderful time with the gorgeous Sridevi, in my dreams. Such a pleasant dream!

            While there are many who hardly remember their dreams and profess to enjoy a dream-less sleep, there are others like me who can remember all their dreams vividly. Bliss? Whether it is a blessing or not I am not sure, but I remember most of my dreams in great detail and I take pleasure in deriving some significance out of these. I must recall the dream as soon as I wake up and if somehow I get distracted and don’t access it immediately then I lose it forever. Making notes of my dreams has become a very interesting and entertaining hobby. Much as I would like to find a pattern in my dreams there is hardly any. A dear friend even gifted a book to me so that I could decipher the meaning or message conveyed through them. Nevertheless, I am still searching. I think I am more interested in the reason than the outcome.

            All I need to do is to sleep, which is a bit difficult given that I am mildly insomniac, and I simply glide into a dream. I must confess that while falling into sleep is a struggle, slipping into dreams is quite effortless. Some beautiful dreams provide me respite from ugly reality and make me want to go back to sleep long after I have woken up whereas the nightmares force me to wake up to a beautiful existence. The fears and anxieties that riddle many of my dreams are like fictitious stories that bemuse me for days to come. Dreams are an integral part of my sleep. They are like running documentaries that choose a subject of their own accord, giving least importance to my longings and yearnings. How I wish I could dream about winning a lottery and how I wish this dream turned into reality! Do dreams really come true? I doubt. May be daydreams do.

            When I deliberate over my dreams I realize that most of them are inconsequential bittersweet musings, yet the recurrence of some dreams leave me utterly bewildered. Majority of my dreams are related to certain inexplicable fears and anxieties.

            There is this one dream in which I am still in school and my final exams are around the corner. Just a day before my exams I realize that my notebooks are all blank and don’t remember having attended even a single class throughout the year. The apprehension of not being able to make it in the exams renders me utterly anxious and I wake up highly disturbed. Can school exams be as dreadful as exams of life? I wonder. But why does it reoccur? Could it be because of some regret or remorse regarding certain tasks that I could have accomplished easily had I been a bit more assertive? Could be.

            Another recurring dream is where I lose my voice while trying to reach out to a familiar face in a crowd full of strangers. I wake up blabbering much to the embarrassment of self and inconvenience of the one sleeping next to me. This dream makes me appreciate my vocal chords no end after waking up. So what if I can’t sing. 

Does it signify that I was too meek or shy or reserved to express my whims and fancies, aspirations and desires?

            In one of the dreams, I am looking for something important in my bag, which I remember having kept, but I am simply unable to find it despite many best possible efforts. I end up waking exasperated and deeply disturbed.  Well, the good thing is, I make a vow to organize all my handbags most meticulously. Could it be because I am a bit too meticulous in actual life and therefore the stress finds its way even in the dreams?

            Ever dreamt of searching for ‘Gajar Ka Halwa’, amidst the most exquisite cuisines, with an empty plate in hand? I have done it so many times. I must confess, I have a sweet tooth, but the fear of piling on unnecessary calories keeps me away from this toothsome dish. Does my secret desire to devour this savory dish manifest itself in my dreams? But then why am I searching for it? Could be because what you avoid in real life, can’t be sought easily in dreams too.

            Some dreams are so pleasant that if left to me I would never want to wake up and let these continue forever. These dreams are not about exotic or expensive locales but some familiar and reassuring places. The memory of many such places is surprisingly still fresh in my mind and whenever I visit a new place I try to unearth similarity with the places I visit in my dreams.

 There are those very precious dreams of my grandfather completely engrossed reading newspaper in a big wooden chair. It is easily one of my favorites. He is there. He is just there. Yes I miss my grandfather dearly and I like to meet him in my dreams. Probably what is not possible in real life is made possible when I close my eyes. These are good times I miss!

            I cherish my dreams for they are entertaining and mystifying at the same time. In fact, I look forward to them. For me a dreamless night is a sleepless night. Dreams most certainly lend colour to dark and dreary nights. Sometimes I wonder if I also get to play a part in others’ dreams?

            Maybe this life is a dream. Maybe in order to wake up one must dream. Who knows, may be, I too am but a dream in this make believe world!