REACHING OUT

PART 3

Continued…

            I started feeling better and felt like reaching out to friends again. Most of the times our relationship with acquaintances and friends is based on external perspectives. What goes within a person is unfathomable. And we think that family background, education, social status, public conduct, outward appearances give away everything about a person’s true personality. We all carry a world within and this internal world is much more challenging than the world outside. Precisely because of this reason, many friends were unable to comprehend my behavior, took it personally and moved out of my life forever. It hurt but I can't blame them. Many were still there for me and later became even closer. Friends for life! It was during this difficult time that I realised the importance of investing in friendships.  Friends can sometimes be more forgiving and more giving than family. Never hurt a true friend. Friends are God sent emergency lights meant to guide us out of dark tunnels. I am blessed to have friends.

The only good thing that I learned from depression is that one must always treat everyone with compassion and kindness keeping our ego at bay.

            As I recovered, the will to get rid of “Paroxetine”, a wonder drug for depression but in my opinion a weight gain pill, grew stronger. One of my school friends who is a leading plastic surgeon stood by me through thick and thin. Very religiously she sent me a message of care and compassion everyday. A mere message asking if I did yoga today, would make me feel so much loved. Strange that a simple message or a single word of care has the power of making you feel so much better. I shared my growing dislike for paroxetine with her. She simply asked me if I was ready to try homeopathy.  It came as a big surprise to know that most of the renowned doctors of our country are firm believers of homeopathy. Only ‘faith’ has the power to push ‘desperation’ away. Quite reluctantly I agreed to her proposal. Never knew that those minuscule balls carried within them mountains of potency. Initially I had both allopathy and homeopathy, but slowly with great difficulty and much resistance from my family, I weaned myself off completely from paroxetine. Homeopathy is the medicine of believers and believing doesn’t come easy to our inherent suspicious nature. Not surprisingly, my family is still suspicious of the benefits of homeopathy.  But I am believer now.

            Worst are the times when you are feeling a little low or a little high (like anybody else) and prompt comes a query, “Hope you had your medicine?” or much worse an argument that leads to only one thing-- “We told you not to stop your medication.” As if they don’t trust me enough to fight my own demons! It may sound a bit negative but I would like to be extremely truthful in saying that depression is like that sensitive scar which when touched even inadvertently, starts bleeding profusely and needs to be treated all over again. You need truckloads of ointments of love and bandages of compassion to treat it. Love, compassion and understanding can drive depression away.

            My sister, although younger in years but much more mature, was my pillar of support and held my hand throughout. My husband suffered the most yet he never complained. If I didn’t sleep he couldn’t. If I didn’t like going out he simply wouldn’t. Life can be very miserable if your partner is a patient of depression. Well, didn't we take  sacred vows to stand by each other through thick and thin? 

               During my journey to recovery I was  always on the lookout for anything and everything that could be even remotely connected to happiness and joy. So how can I forget my bundle of joy.....Nawab!

                                                                                                To be continued…