SURVIVOR

PART V

Continued...

So how does one defeat this ‘mind boggling’ problem?

      Once upon a time a self- professed atheist, I have now started indulging in a lot of 'non-ritualistic talking' with HIM. This is my idea of praying…talking. My God is a non-religious fatherly figure who is averse to being pleased and appeased, wears a perpetual smile and is an excellent listener. HE also wears a turban. I can talk to HIM anytime. The more I unwind, the clearer the understanding of self. Stubborn knots of heart untie effortlessly and instantly. I talk, he nods. Those who say I keep to self, let me admit, I save all my talking for HIM. So yes, I pray a lot these days and believe you me that does help.

Guru Granth Saheb ji says, “Suffering is medicine, and pleasure the disease, because where there is pleasure, there in no desire for God.”

      Gratitude is prelude to abundance, not necessarily materialistic but abundance of contentment, empathy and compassion. It has opened my tightly shut eyes to the numerous blessings that have been bestowed upon me from time to time. Once while chatting, HE asked me, “What would make you ultimately happy?” And to my utter surprise I had no reply, for I realised I have far more than what is required to be happy...far more than what others have. I just need to acknowledge, appreciate and be thankful. Reaching out to the less fortunate and genuinely helping them out of difficult situations gives a sense of contentment. No feeling is as great as the feeling of contentment and it goes hand in hand with happiness.  

      And of course, the mantra is to keep your mind busy. Being busy is bliss! Pursue your hobbies, they lend charm to a monotonous life. I used Photography as a hobby to delve deep into the rusted and cobwebbed corners of my heart. I trained my camera lens towards the best of birds, butterflies and flowers. Lo and behold! they started modelling for me. Photography helped my ignorant mind and my sorrowful heart in seeing the unseen, discovering the undiscovered and exploring the unexplored. Spending time with nature taught me to smile a lot. Try making a connection with a flower and see what it does to you. Nature is highly therapeutic. From a tiny flower to a mammoth tree, everything is full of humility, ever so smiling, always amiable and amenable.

      

       

      They say, “There is no friend as loyal as a book.” And how true! Reading is something that helped me connect with minds. Writing helped me to de clutter my thoughts. Believe me, it is soothing, stimulating and creative. 

     'Everybody is unique!' Heard this ample number of times but not really true.  Being different is not a very happy situation to be in. Herd mentality is much more acceptable. We evolve collectively and also individually. Over the years I’ve started thinking and looking at things in a particular manner depending upon my surroundings, situations and circumstances. I know my perspectives are not always going to match with others. The key to being at peace with self is acceptance. I accept the uniqueness. I try to accept situations. Acceptance is the forte of the strong. The more I accept, the stronger I am. I can completely relate to it when people say that I’ve changed. Yes I can’t talk that ‘usual’ talk. I sometimes do not approve of people’s thought process. Precisely the reason for my refusal to interact. But I realised that shunning people because they think, talk, behave in a particular manner or simply because they judge or criticise everything will make me recoil into my shell further. I decided to stay strong, to stand my ground. Observing, listening, smiling and yes…a tall glass of good wine does help during parties.

      I have no qualms in declaring that now I love myself unabashedly. I take special care to surround myself with positivity. I remove negative people from my life unflinchingly and un-regretfully. I value ‘my’ happiness above everything. I take good care of my body. Exercise keeps both my body and my mind fit. I do yoga regularly. I am now addicted to gym. The confidence that comes with a healthy body is unparalleled. A strong body nurtures a stronger mind. 

      But at the same time I’ve come to accept that I shall forever have to make constant and conscious efforts and remind myself repeatedly to remain happy. All I can say is that if cancer is the most dreaded disease, depression is the most dreadful one. The fight with depression is constant and never ending. Every time depression bogs me down, I emerge stronger. I profess proudly that I am a depression survivor.

P.S – I have shared my journey from Nadir to Zenith most honestly and sincerely. There are some who feel that these blogs require cleaning and editing for typos and grammatical errors. But friends, when words come straight from the heart, full-stops or commas don’t matter. Agree?

Answers to your questions follow in the next post.